When your friend’s heart breaks there is a part inside of you that is shattered while you see your friend going through the loss. Like any other good friend you try to console them by doing right by their side. A friend’s break up is as worse as failing in an examination. At some point you know that you need to work hard to get things in the right place.
As sensitive as the situation is you tend to say some kind words or words that could stop those shedding tears, words that can calm a person down. What you do not realize is that sometimes what you think is right makes other person fall apart. To avoid any such situation following are the most common phrases that a friend says to another at the time of break-up.
“I also went through a breakup”
Many people find solace in sharing their feelings and emotions. Everybody go through the same ” breakup” but the story of each person vary. When your friend shares their story with you do not stop them in between because they want someone to listen to them, you need to make them feel that they are valued and cared. Moreover, never quote that I went through the same thing and do not narrate your story because your story might be relateable to them so instead of making them feel good; you can actually end up worsening the situation.
“Get Over It”
You need to get over it; You need to move on; These things are easy said than done. Being in a relationship is easy . You love everything about it the person you are with , their habits, their favorite food turns into your favorite food. It’ all about candles and roses. When you breakup there is no light left and you sit in the darkest corner because you don’t want a single thing to remind you of the same person. A good friend needs to be honest. Rather than saying get over it and the pain will automatically go away, tell them that it will be hard for you to see the light but not an impossible task. Time heals every wound but having a best friend around makes the clock move fast.
“Start Dating Again”
This is not necessarily a wrong thing to say. In fact, you should encourage your friend to move on and start dating again. But this is not the time. At the moment, she needs to know that she is awesome and lovable and she will come out of this. So, focus on the positives and let her know that you are with her. Give her time and space to her grieve her loss and come out of this eventually when she is ready.
“If he loves you he will come back”
Your friend might be struggling to understand why he left. She might be in a complete mess, trying desperately to get through to him and get back into the relationship with him. And all you want is to see your friend happy. This might be well-intentioned and you may mean well, but letting your friend believe that he will come back might lead her to a bigger disappointment. You can gently lead her to meditate and not worry about the future.
“I didn’t like him anyway”
Saying, “I didn’t like him anyway” may drive a wedge between you and your friend rather than making her feel better. The breakup is fresh, your friend is still trying to get over it, and you never know, she might still be attracted to him.
You can instead start a conversation with your friend and encourage her to speak about her ex. This will help her relax and calm down.
“I Liked Him So Much”
Saying, “I liked him so much” is not going to help either. This may send your friend running into her room, bursting into tears yet again. She does not need reminding about her ex’s good qualities – she knows and she is trying to get over it.
“You dated only for some time”
You might know the love span of your friend but you won’t know their favorite moments or every joke that they cracked. Long time or short time spent with each other doesn’t always decide the bond of relationship. What you think was a mere casual talk might be the best meet for your friend. So choose your words wisely and let your friend decide that they want to grieve or not after a breakup because at the end it’s their life . All you can do is support them by being present for them in the time of needs.
Being strong is good, but right now is not the time to ask her to stay strong. Right now is the time for her to cry, crib, feel miserable, and then come out of it. Letting out pent-up emotions is important to remain sane. So, encourage your friend to cry, speak out her feelings, and relax while you patiently pick up after her. This will help her heal faster and become stronger in the long run.
Helping doesn’t always involve a conversation the best you can do is be silent and let your friend grieve for sometime. When the time is right you’ll know the right words to say to make them feel better.