Internet, I’m glad we’ve all embraced our collective awkwardness. Before all the Tina Fey and Rashida Jones gifs and the think-pieces about our awkward human existence, I was quietly embarrassed about any awkward vibes I gave off. For days, I would overanalyze the way I stood when I was in line at Panera, how I positioned my arms during a meeting, and how quickly I was able – or not able – to recover from a coughing fit in front of my friends. Internet, it’s so awesome that you’ve normalized awkward.
Unfortunately, every year brings new situations, new technology, and new opportunities for all of us awkward humans to be as awkward as possible. 14 awkward situations, that are truly unique to this time in history :
1. When you grab someone else’s drink by mistake at the coffee shop
Baristas always scribble names on cups, so this mistake is very easy to make, right? And yeah, they may have called out a name that’s not yours, but who says you were listening? Does anyone actually listen? Is there any way I can get my coffee and get out of here without sweating?
2. When you say goodbye to someone but then you two keep walking in the same direction
I always find it’s best to alleviate the situation by saying, “HAHA OH MY GOSH, ARE WE WALKING TO THE SAME PLACE?” as if I don’t know what’s going, addressing the weirdness head-on. This has literally never diminished the awkwardness, but I keep trying.
3. When you Chat someone even though they’re “busy” and immediately feel like a needy asshole
Immediately you regret messaging them, but now you can’t back out. But you don’t want them to feel obligated to answer you, and you also don’t want to keep messaging them with “sorry I know you’re busy,” because that just makes you look too eager. Maybe it’s just best to step AWAY from the computer and also maybe burn your computer and probably never speak to other people ever again, you know?
4. Google Hangout
This is very grandma of me to say, but my 6-year-old niece introduced me to Google Hangout about two months ago. I’ve always been a Skype girl, but if Google is taking over the world, what can I do? Either way, talking to people through computers is very weird. Like, it feels too technologically advanced for us as a society. The screens are always slightly blurry, if the Internet is bad there’s always a weird time lag, I mean, Google Hangout is just a disaster waiting to happen.